Some bullshit I need to get off of my chest without causing myself uneeded drama. Its cool that you’ve found this new found faith in God and yes I go to church for you so I can see a smile on your face. But the abusrdity of your blind faith and preacher really piss me off. Your “give it to God ” is total crap you need to take charge and ownership for your mistakes and what you can fix. This God will fix it if its to be is a cop out, it hinders you and you don’t even see it I think that’s the most frustrating part. But I try not to judge and I fully support you but when you tell me I’m battetling the devil and that I need to forgive my Dad and thank God is when I get fucking angry. I should thank God for years of mental and phsyical abuse..? I should thank this would be great being for all the scars the bruises and cracks within my family that wont ever be mended? No. I shouldn’t and I wont. Yes I’m a better person probably stronger than most and have a different perspective on some shit but no religion had no place in that or was there. My beatings and fights saved my sister and mom from quite a few throwdowns and mental beatdowns. I took what I could so they didn’t have to suffer, so my sister could have a decent relationship with my pos father. I didn’t have faith guiding me or giving me strength. I had my will and determention and thats it. So. Cut. The. Fucking. Religion. Talk. With. Me. Oh and this whole “I still love my ex shit ” cut it out. Cool I do too from way back. But guess what bro you kinda fucked up that the same way I did. She moved on and you dragging your feet isn’t going to make it any easier. Fucking just let her know and thank her for the time you two had. Instead of being a bitter twat. An you never know weirder shit has happened you could end up back with her. But you need a lot of growing to do like I did before that can happen. Alright I’m good now.

Going to say I’m pissed because at this point I’m fucking mad as all hell. My recruiter is such a fucking retard its always two steps forward with this dumb fuck and then three steps back.”Oh your paperworks expired so you have to come in on Wednesday” well first of all prick ive done the research and talked to other recruiters and my friends dad whose done your job for 10 years THAT SHITS NOT TRUE YOU FUCKED UP AND HAD ME FILL OUT THE WRONG SHIT! Secondly asking me to come in on Friday instead because its more convient is just insult to morherfucking injury. I’m your fucking priority I filled out the SHIT and have proven I’m serious about this. Its not my fault you cant coridnate your shit and be more organized. I’m talking to your CO today so fuck you and have fun getting your shit grilled dumbass.

I get really annoyed when people are still shocked about me joining the army or if they ask me if I regret stretching my lobes. No I don’t and I wont ever and when I’m out and have a steady job I will restrecth the fuck out of them. I’m really tired of flakey ass friends and people always trying talking smack about others. Alright cool you don’t like them don’t hangout or talk to them. Problem solved simple. Why create unnecessary stress when there’s enough going on? Oh and when people tell you not to hangout with so and so because they had a bad friendship or dealing, I don’t care people change and they definitely haven’t treated me badly. Grow up damn.

The saddest part is knowing that I was just a stepping stone to your game. I was just there for when you needed me and tossed aside as if I was nothing once you were better. I’m stuck in this spot while you move forward and give me false hopes. I don’t even know what to do with myself anymore and all my friends are sick of hearing about you. I wish I could hate you. I wish I could make you feel as bad as you make me feel. But I can’t because I’m not that type of person, and while you claim to have never loved me I still do and that’s the saddest part. I should be happy it’s my birthday month I have so much going for me and yet you find a way to mind fuck me, to send me into this downward spiral of depression. I just want my heart back and for you to be erased from my mind. You’ve done nothing but cause me stress and you somehow still do even more now that you arent here. Don’t tell me you’ll be coming back to me as much as I want it I know you aren’t good for me. You drive me into a mentally unhealthy state and I can’t keep doing this otherwise something bad will happen. I just want you to leave me alone and to stop attacking me for finding even a shred of happiness. You’ve ruined a lot for me but I can’t and won’t let you ruin this myself any further. It’s time to pick up my broken heart and hurt soul and tend to them till someone comes along who deserves it and me.